Yohooo ~ Oresama is here o/
I've only read up till chapter 2 so far. Those long long chapters look intimidating at first but you wrote quite concisely, so the pacing is fast and the story moves on, which makes it easier to read. Actually, when I finished reading the second chapter, I was like, "eh, I've already read this far?! " It was fun /o/
You're mostly writing in narrative, maybe that's why sometimes it feels like lots of information to take at once. I would recommend breaking it up in smaller portions to create some breathing space but that would also make the chapters longer, so I won't recommend it >.>"
While reading, I felt that changing some words and expressions might make the reading better. Emphasis on might cos it's not absolutely necessary. But for some reason, I cannot rest without pointing out one of such words that caught my attention (I don't even know why that single place caught my attention so much @.@)
He struggled like headless chicken but to no avail, slowly he was feeling life fading away with each passing moment
Writing "he was feeling his breath fading away" might sound nicer here. Using "life" here made me imagine the life force driving out of him but that part would come once the kid couldn't keep his breath underwater anymore.
Also, when you write, you can use Grammarly to make minor checks for you. That way, the writing would be in pretty good shape even without proofreading. I have to use Grammarly for work and it's quite a lifesaver when you're focused more on the content rather than being grammatically correct.
That's all from me for now.
Damn, now you are scaring me of this thing, I never really think too much about the words haha :
Thanks for that Grammarly thingy? Will check it out ^^